Monday, June 12, 2006
8:30 AM

sometimes it's just so hard, to be patient and wait... sometimes i just dont wanna be strong... i wanna let my emotions take control for just one night where i can curl up in bed and cry my eyes out.... but then something within me stops me....it's like a voice saying i shouldnt cry...
have you ever felt so vulnerable that you wonder whether the words you uttered really mattered? i wanna stop all this busyness and sit at the feet of Jesus... sometimes that's all it takes to get life back on track....
sometimes it's just so hard wanting something you know you can never have...it's so hard to accept that your dreams may not ever come true..but then again, maybe that's why they call it a dream... typing these words aren't easy as well.. it's tough because i know these words are being read by people who would judge me and say i'm not fit to be a leader perhaps.... there are often times when i get so homesick...so homesick to be with God... and no, im not suicidal..
i know people are gonna think im not alright after reading this post... but just for the record... i'm fine... i'm actually very happy...plus a mixture of other feeelings...
have you had that feeling of utter helplessness? not to life in general... but in certain areas in life... like things are just beyond your control...and all you can do.... is just trust God and know that He knows what He's doing? although sometimes you think you know best... when actually you dont? and you think it's your life, when it actually isnt?
i really shouldnt spend so much time alone in my room... cos my mind wanders...my thoughts accumulate....
i mean, ever felt like you dont belong? like, there are people around you... people who love you...but you still feel all alone... until you come to the Father..and know that you never are?.... it's an awesome feeeling.... a feeeling that words alone cannot describe... it's like coming home to people who love you...only, ten times more.... it's like being in love... only, ten times more.... it's..... amazing.. only, ten times more...
i shall go spend some time now... with Jesus... the lover of my soul...

"I am my Beloved's, and His desire is toward me."
Solomon's Song 7:10

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