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entries
Sunday, October 28, 2007
12:14 PM

it's sad how i dont have a close group of friends that have lasted from secondary school. i realised that all my previous class mates back in singapore, all have their bunch of kc friends that they're close to. and i have none. i dont even know what's going on in the life of my own best friend.
i guess it's cos of that, how i can't see friends as family.. probably drove them away. i wish i could though. i wish i had friends that i know will be forever. but it's hard if you're in two different countries in a year, for the past 5 years. it's sad to say, but i put no faith in friends. all my faith is in my family. my dad once told me, "friends will leave, but your family will always be there." he's right. although i do wish he wasn't.

i envy my ex classmates and how they're all still so close. if you asked me to go hang out with the people i used to be close to back in kc, it would be awkward. it's sad really.
i guess the part of me that likes to be alone does have its pitfalls. but then again, i can be surrounded by all these people, and yet still feel all alone. and it's not always such a bad thing. in fact, it isn't. i love being alone. i love that fact that when im alone, i can think clearer. when i'm alone i can let myself run free. in my mind, with my imagination, my thoughts.

we were born alone, we die alone. i like how i can protect myself when im alone. cos i dont have anything to protect myself from. i like not letting people in, cos then they can't hurt me. as much as i like that though, i would love to have friends that would last forever. i wish i still had that juvenile thought of "friends forever". but i can't think like that anymore, cos friends come and go. and you can't be together all the time, they will always make new friends. and things will get in the way. you'll lead different lives. and sooner or later, everything you ever had will phase out. no matter how strong that friendship was, no matter how much shit you went together, and all the endless promises, the joys and sorrows, will pass you by. and so will that friendship. it's sad. it really is. i'm a loyal person. i need a loyal friend.

i heard that love is a friendship on fire. if i cant find a loyal friend, i cant find loyal love. i want a love that is so ridiculously amazing and unbelievable. if i can't find that, if i can't find a loyal love, i will not settle for anything less than that. i will go at it alone, because ive done alright so far.


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