Tuesday, January 15, 2008
6:10 AM

you know how sometimes your best isnt good enough even though you initially thought it was?

well when i printed out my thesis and handed it in.. i was so very proud of myself cos i know i did the best that i could do with the minimal help that i had.

but alas, this friday i am going to realise that it just wasnt enough. i am gonna be slapped with a third or second lower class honours. that is really gonna sting. realizing that even though you have put in all your best efforts, gave up many hours of sleep and hopped on the many different buses just to get to the damn hospital to carry out those experiments and interpret the results from those experiments, it's all gonna come to naught. and why? cos the damn bloody standard for a second upper or first class is only for people who have a particular ability to achieve way beyond any normal freaking human being.

you know loooking at all the people that surrounded me in uni who had enrolled in biomed, they were always the high end achievers. whenever i ask them how they did in secondary school... they'll respond.. "oh i was from the triple science class...." or they were at least from a double science class...... and then they turn to me and say..."what about you..?"....and i say.."oh i was from an arts class that all the teachers gave up on...".... i used to feel so proud to say that seeing as how being from an arts class did not stop me from getting into a biomed degree and then eventually a molecular bio degree with honours. but now as i step toward the last hurdle, i realise there has been very much a difference between us after all. the high end achievers always have remained the high end achievers. for my o levels i studied my ass off... and i got mediocre results. at college i studied my ass off... i got mediocre results. at uni i studied my ass off... i got mediocre results..and now with honours, i have done my absolute best... and i will get mediocre results.

my dad keeps reminding me that as long as you've done your best, you should be proud. but i am so damn sick of putting in all my effort and coming up with mediocre results. i am so sick of being the one that studies the most and still gets crap results. i am so sick of trying so hard with only normal results to show for all the effort.

you know it seriously feels like wasted effort and i am so sick of people looking at my work and saying.."you could have done much better..." seriously, will you just shut up... i did my best.

♥;