Monday, June 30, 2008
7:26 AM

ever since i was small, i have always wished that i was born into a different family. and i always wished that i was the lost one. i have always wished that i had a different life, with different people.

i always look at my friend's family, and wish i had them, and not mine. i pity my dad and all the shit he has to put up with. he's one fantastic dad, yet so misunderstood.

i look at my sister's relationship with her husband, and i never wanna get married. emotionally, it seems like they're dead. yet, i look at my other sister's relationship with her fiance, and think.. maybe being emotionally happy and satisfied is actually possible. so they may not be perfect, but at least there is love. it may not be present all the time when tensions rise and self-fishness plays out, but it always comes back somehow or another. but right now, i never wanna get into a relationship because i dont want it to be emotionally dead. im a pretty emotional person when it comes to love and hate, i wanna feel one or the other, never neither.

i wish my dad didnt have to go thru the shit he's going thru. i wish he had a better life. i wish he didnt have to come home and face all the hypocrisy. i wish sadness and hurt were just words for him, that he would never have to experience it. i wish he could live the happiest life possible. i wish i could take him out of this shit, and bring him away. i love my dad the most in this world. he is the person i cherish with all my heart. if i do get over my phobia of relationships and enter into one, whoever im with must respect my dad. if he says any shit bout my dad, he's out of my life.

♥;