Sunday, February 04, 2007
8:45 AM

“look at the stars, look how they shine for you. And everything you do.”

I’ve become a skeptic. A skeptic in many things. A skeptic especially when it comes to that one thing that supposedly makes the world go round.

“love makes the world go round.”

Sheryl said I’ve always been a skeptic when it comes to love. Never realized that before. Oblivious, more like it.

I’m a skeptic when it comes to the intentions of people. But then again, being a skeptic could be the big break ive been waiting for. I guess that’s my problem. I’m always waiting. Always waiting and not doing anything about it, even when it’s in my control to do so. Maybe it’s because I hate making people feel uncomfortable. Even if it’s at the expanse of me, I would rather they feel comfortable rather than vice versa. But then again, I’m sure I’m not the only one that feels that way.

So I have an identity. Why do people always treat me like they have some sort of authority over my life when in fact the influence or so called power that they have over me is pretty minimal, maybe perhaps even non existent? Why do people always want to have that sense of power or control in another person’s life? I wish people would stop treating me like a little girl. Yes so I can be a wimp when it comes to certain things, but that doesn’t mean I cant take care of myself. I’m 21 for crying out loud, and I’m pretty darn sure that mentality I’m mature as well. Oh gosh seriously, people can drive me nuts sometimes. And no I don’t appreiciate it.

I just realized I’ve digressed from my topic of being a skeptic. So now back to it shall we? Ok skepticism, is not a bad thing. It’s pretty neutral I reckon. What got me to be skeptic? I guess it was to have a sense of protection.

“expect the worse, hope for the best.”

Not knowing what lies ahead is tough, but not knowing what you can do to what lies ahead is tougher. I hate feeling helpless. You know how sometimes, no matter how hard you’ve tried you just can’t do it. And you’re just digging a bigger hole for yourself. And you’re sinking lower and lower, wondering whether you can ever get out. I’m not talking about anything spiritual, so don’t go jumping to conclusion, as I’m so sure many of you are so good at, and that’s where the gossip begins right? Anyways, back to that hole I was digging. You know how sometimes you just wanna do your best at something, but when that something comes, you get so nervous you seriously just mess it up. And there’s nothing much you can do on your part to redeem yourself. And the only way to do that doesn’t lie in your hands. The power isn’t yours. There’s only so much you can do and you know you’ve done your best. And I know people will say oh you’ve done your best, that’s good enough. But nah, sometimes the best just isn’t enough. So then what’s better than best? I don’t know, you tell me.

“ about all of those things that I long to believe about love. What you mean, what you mean to me. and the truth is, baby you’re all that I need.”

I love songs such as this. But I am still a skeptic.

“I wanna be, just as close as. The holy ghost is.”

Oh gosh, lyrics can be so sweet sometimes. That’s what sells doenst it. Sweet lyrics that are just that. Sweet. That’s it. Truthful? It could be. But most of the time it isn’t now is it? Sad, depressing, but true.

“well as you close your eyes, know that I’ll be thinking about you.”

Ah such perfect words. Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

“for it’s you, I’d die to defend.”

Tear jerker. Sounds brilliant. But hardly ever true. Didn’t say it’s not true. It just hardly ever is. Sad isn’t it? Skepticism, is neutral.

Have you ever wished that you were somebody else. Don’t immediately think up some really lame noble answer and say..” no I wouldn’t wanna be anyone else but me.”
That’s crap hey. Everyone has wondered and wanted to be someone else even if it was just for a split second. If I could be someone else for a day, I’d be you. Just to see what it’s like, to feel what you’re feeling, to see what you’re seeing, to sense what you’re sensing, to fear what you’re fearing, to see whether the grass is indeed greener on the other side. Maybe, maybe not. I’ll never know. But it doesn’t hurt to dream once in a while. How I wish someone…. Ah wells, anyways… I’m practically dozing off as I type this in my dark room, being sung to by jon bon jovi. Bed of roses is indeed my favourite song of all time. Call it old school, call it lame, call it whatever you want. Bon jovi can sing to me anytime. So can richie sambora. Ah, swoon.

Now I sound like a teenage girl. I don’t care. A girl can dream, hope, imagine, maybe even…. Ah well let’s not go there..

If you could turn back time, what would you do differently?
Yet again, please no noble answers that go something like this: (choose whichever option best suits your liking)
a) if I did certain things differently, I wouldn’t have learn how to fix things.
b) Don’t live in regret.
c) I wouldn’t change a thing, it’s perfect.

Come on, toughen up. Don’t be such a sissy. No one has things that they’ve done in the past that they don’t regret. That’s just…. Not right. Cos it just isn’t possible. Then again maybe it is. Try to convince me on either.

“please just don’t play with me, my paper heart will bleed.”

Anyways, I better go before I really fall asleep. His voice is just too soothing, him crooning along to bed of roses. *faints and dies*… ah now wouldn’t that be nice.

“goodbye cruel world.”

Suicidal? Nah. Dramatic? Yeah perhaps.

Whatever.

“I wish that I could be in some other time and place, with someone else’s soul, someone else’s face.”

Thank God for girl friends. They make my day time and time again. J

♥;