Friday, July 13, 2007
7:53 AM

im so tired.

im so tired of laughing. and im so sick of being ok for a few days, till something triggers back memories of you. when they come flooding back, they cant seem to stop. they begin to just overwhelm me. they make me remember all the fun we had, the laughs we shared.. and then they make me all the things you said that night, and it makes me think. think about how what you said makes what we had, a pack of lies. a facade. a role you played pretty darn well. so well that perhaps you even fooled yourself into believing it was real. so real you almost got sucked into it, and then accident separated us for but a moment, and then you realised it was just a role, it was just a part you were playing, and you were getting pretty good at it. and maybe, i hope, from time to time, you were happy. but then suddenly you realised, you had to get out of it. it just wasnt what you wanted. you so easily forgot me, you so easily let go. i guess its cause you never really held on at all. so im thinking, you never had the intentions of even just sticking around.
i know i shouldnt be feeling like this, but then again, maybe i should be. i dont know. maybe it's a right that all brokenhearts have. to feel this way, to have this feeling. the kind of feeling that's so messed up you dont even know what you're feeling anymore. the kind of feeling where you wanna move on and let go, but yet at the same time you kinda dont want to. and you're just clinging on to every single hope you can conjur up. anything to make you happy for that one second. i hate how it feels like im in some sort of pit that im trying to claw my way out off but instead of getting out, im digging myself deeper in.

omg, im becoming emo.

this is not about emotions. this is about you and me. and yet again, how you never tried, and forgot. forgot it all.

♥;